The following set of events are based on a fictional reality – but wow, what a reality this would be!
I’ve not finished half my beer when the telephone begins to ring. I’m still in shock, Boris is no longer Prime Minister after deciding to become a reality TV star, replacing Sir Alan Sugar as the new star of The Apprentice.
I don’t recognise the number but answer anyhow.
“Steve Collins, is that you?” said an urgent voice.
“Yes, this is Steve – how can I help?” I asked.
“Steve, it’s Rishi Sunak, I’m about to become the new Prime Minister and I need someone with a green background to replace me as Chancellor, can I count on you?” said the apparent new Prime Minister.
“Rishi, thank you. I would be honoured to become the new Chancellor; I think we can do great things to usher in an innovative green economy.”
Anyhow, I don’t want to bore you with all the details and sensationalism surrounding my appointment as Chancellor of the Exchequer.
I do have something special for you though. Today, I will be revealing my first Budget. And I am going to present four new green policies to you. Shhshh, this is an exclusive, keep it quiet for now. You’re about to hear something transformative. So here it goes.
My Four Green Announcements For a Better Future
- All gas boilers and fossil fuel heating systems will be banned in three years: this government will provide grants covering 70% of the cost to help existing households and businesses replace these antiquated systems with state-of-the-art renewable alternatives. The climate situation is urgent, and the built environment contributes 40% to the UK’s footprint. This policy will help the UK meet its net-zero targets much quicker. As a note, those families earning under a certain threshold will have 100% of costs covered – no one should be left behind as we start our green revolution.
- Green Academies: As we prepare for a net-zero economy, training programmes and apprenticeships will be created, providing the future workforce Britain needs to become a green energy powerhouse. Bursaries will be available and importantly, new heat pump engineers will be trained to help replace the UK’s outdated heating systems.
- No Taxes for Green Businesses: For five years, existing and new start-up green energy businesses will pay zero tax – this will help kick-start the sector and enable existing businesses to expand. After five years, we will have a thriving and innovative green energy market. The UK will become the most advanced green economy in the world. The lost income in taxes will look like a raindrop, compared to the ocean of prosperity created.
- Cut Energy Taxes by 50%: The UK’s high tax on energy has prevented the decarbonisation of heat for too long. Before we implement the ban on older heating systems, we want to encourage people to make the switch because it will be so much cheaper to go green. This will also ensure all consumers benefit without having to worry about energy bills inflated by tax.
I believe these policies will not only create a cutting-edge green economy but will also usher in a new age of prosperity and create a much fairer society benefiting from cheaper energy.
Let’s hope fiction becomes a reality someday. Although I’d prefer to focus my efforts on Premier Econergy for now.